


Dead and dead inside

by Costa_Cat



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: All the other Avengers are friends apart from Tony, But when does he ever, Depression, F/M, M/M, Natasha and Clint are amazing bros, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Sad, Sad Tony, Suicide thoughts and shit, Tony Does What He Wants, Tony Whump, Tony doesn't sleep, Tony excludes himself from the others, eating issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Costa_Cat/pseuds/Costa_Cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set right after the third iron movie and the second Avengers movie hasn't happened yet.</p><p>At the end of third movie Pepper survives the fall, but what if she didn't, what if watch Pepper fall to her death was the last time ever saw her. </p><p>In this Tony loses Pepper, and he has to deal with the pain and guilt that comes with it. He moves back into the Avengers tower, but he doesn't talk to anyone, and the others don't know why, they have no idea that Pepper is dead and that Tony is blaming himself and they have no idea how his life is going downhill, how he hates himself.</p><p>They just think he's being Tony Stark, working too much and focusing on his business. In a way he is being Tony Stark, suffering from depression, sleeping problems, eating problems and not telling a damn soul, the only person he knows is Rhodey, but the Military is making him leave, so Tony is all on his own, dealing with pepper among others, to him life is pointless, so why live a pointless life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

With Tony being as agitated and easily annoyed as he is, the constant beeping really should annoy him. It's like a song.  Playing over and over again on the radio, YouTube, and every major music network. You can't go anywhere without hearing even a little bit of it. A song you don't even like. So naturally, it will just piss you off, as well as get under your skin. 

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

The noise should be pissing him off. He can't escape from it, (Unless he leaves the room, but like hell he will). He can't run away from it, and that should really piss him off. But it just doesn't. Even though he has been listening to it for hours and hours. It might have even been over a day. Yet the noise just doesn't annoy him.

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

The noise is the opposite of an annoyance. It is something that he can't hate, can't curse, in fact, he loves it. He just can't get enough of that wonderful noise. It means wonderful things. It means that his best friend is still breathing. It means that his heart is still beating. That there is still hope. That there is still a chance. That he doesn't have to lose another person. 

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

It's a reassurance. Each and every time he hears that noise, it's like the universe is telling them that he's still here, that he's still alive, and that he could still wake up. He yearns just to hear that noise again because maybe, if he hears the noise again, he could hear his voice again. He just wants him to wake up, so Tony can shout at Happy for scaring him like that. He just wants to hear his voice again, laughing and joking, telling Tony that he didn't mean to scare him, and that he'll try his best not to do it again in the future. He just wants him to move his hand, so Tony can know that he feels his hand on his, so that he can hug him, and have Happy laugh, because wow, who knew Tony could be so touchy feely. 

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

Tony wants nothing more than to not lose Happy. He has already lost too much these past two days. He tries not to go down memory lane. He tries, but here, in Happy's hospital room, where he is hooked up to a billion different machines, each one doing its job to keep Happy alive, where he's sitting on the edge of the seat, hoping (More like praying), that Happy does not die, that Tony can't help but think about the unspeakable event that occurred the day before.

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

It wasn't just unspeakable, it was unthinkable too. He was supposed to catch her, supposed to stop her from falling. His fingers were so close, but yet way too far. Two hands in the air, two lives, two sets of fingers that gently brushed each other, and yet, only one survivor. It was all his fault. He told her to fall, he told her that he would catch her. She trusted him, she believed that he would catch her, and instead he watched her fall, into the flames, never to be seen again. The look on her face, when she realized that Tony had failed her again, but this time, in the worst way possible. The look on her face was enough to destroy Tony.  God, what an idiot he is. He basically killed her. And now, it looked like Happy was going to die too.

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

_Please wake up. Please wake up. You have to wake up, please. Just wake up. C'mon, how hard could it be? Just open your eyes, that is all you have to do, please. Wake up. You have to wake up, please, please please, wake up. You have to wake up. Please don't die. Please don't die, please don't die just don't die! I can't lose you, not after Pepper, just open your eyes, **Please.**_

 

Like a chant in his head, the words kept repeating. Over and over again, with no hope for it to stop. It's all he can do, it's all the doctors say he can do. No amount of money in the world can save him, there's nothing anyone can do. It's all Happy, it's all him now, if he wakes up, or if he- No, he can't think like that. Happy will wake up, he will wake up, he will wake up,  **He will.**

 

_Beep, beep- thump thump thump._

 

Instead of the beeps he's oh so use to hearing, a serious of knocks interrupt it. He lazily lifts his head from where it was resting on the hospital bed. He is expecting it be Rhodey, he left about an half an our ago to get food (Not that Tony will eat it), a change of clothes (Like Tony will change) and coffee (Like Tony  _won't_ drink that) so Tony logically thought that it was Rhodey. Surprise overtook the grief that was plastered permanently on his face.

 

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

 

There, standing in the doorway is Nick Fury, Nick fucking Fury. He gestures for Tony to get up and follow him, so with a sigh, and a rub to his eyes, he follows him outside. 

 

“Are you serious? Are you fucking kidding me right now” Tony is trying to be calm, he really is, but with the things that have happened, he is tempted to shout 'fuck it' and scream at the director of freaking SHIELD, because at this point there is literally nothing else to do.

 

“Look Stark, all I want is-” Tony knows he really shouldn't interrupt him, his mind is fucking screaming at him to stay calm, especially with the shit he has just pulled, but hey, fuck it.

 

“What, what could you possibly fucking want that couldn't possibly fucking wait?” 

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

He can still hear the beeping, the constant reminder that his Happy is still alive, and that maybe,  _just_ maybe his life may not be totally fucked. That he can still salvage a little bit of his wrecked life. Maybe that calms him down a bit, maybe that, of all things, clears his head so he can be more observant. It makes him calm and collected so he can see that for once in Fury's life, he is hesitating, desperately trying to find the right words to calm Tony, and to make the next words out of his mouth seem way less horrible than they actually are.

 

Unfortunately, no amount of sweet talking and sugar coating can hide the harsh reality of his next words.

 

“We need you to come to New York, it's not about the.........accident. You're presence is required in New York immediately. It's an Avengers thing.” He supposes Fury is being very calm about this whole thing, but Tony just doesn't give enough of a fuck to 'appreciate' his kindness. 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

He is not fucking going. He needs to be there, to listen to that reassuring noise. He needs to be there when his best friend (Other than Rhodey) wakes up. Why the fuck would he go to some bullshit ragtag team meeting, where they all make awkward small talk about the fucking weather, before the conversation goes dead, and the silence is deafening, instead of seeing his best friend wake up from a stupid fucking coma.

 

“Oh god you're joking right?” He laughs. “You have got to be fucking kidding me, oh man that's hilarious. If you actually think that I am even going to  _consider_ going, then you are way more fucking stupid than I thought, which is pretty fucking stupid, considering you look like your family has been fucking each other for generations. So why don't you get the fuck out of my face, and get your nasty ass the hell out of here.” He doesn't even care that what he just said can get him in a lot of trouble, but all Fury does is roll his eyes, sigh and try again. 

 

“Stark I'm afraid this is bigger than you, the world could be at stake-” Two interruptions in one conversation? Yep, Tony is fucked.

 

“No, fuck that, don't give me that bullshit. You can easily call in Rhodey, or train someone else to use the suit. All you want is another shot at making the 'Avengers' perfect. Yeah I know all about that, how you want a team that not only fights well together, but is just the happiest little family. But guess what? That is not going to fucking happen. We all hate each other apart from Barton and Romanov, the rest of us can't fucking stand each other. We're not family, we never were. My family is Happy, Pepper, and Rhodey, and nothing can change that. Nothing. Just do yourself and every one around you a favour and open your fucking eyes. We may fight together well but we sure as hell ain't fucking family. Now leave me alone.” He almost cares that Fury will most likely kill him.  _Almost._

 

But all he does is turn around and walk away, and Tony is nearly disappointed. As he is walking out, someone else walks in. Tony has never been more relieved to see Rhodey in his life (The time he escaped from his 3 month holiday in hell to see Rhodey is a close second). He is about to greet him, when the universe decides to fuck him roughly in the ass with no lube.

 

_Beep, beep, beeeeeeeep_

The sound of a flat line will haunt him until his heart gives out. The noise that was once his way of him keeping his sanity is now the one that smashes it into a million tiny pieces that no one on 'gods' great Earth can ever even hope of retrieving let alone piecing hem back together. Why won't it stop, the noise won't fucking stop, it's piercing his ears, getting louder and louder until it's all he can hear, it screams louder than Rhodey. It's just so loud it needs to stop, it needs to stop why won't it fucking stop.

 

But then it does, and the silence is louder, more deafening and far more devastating. It carries truth fear and reality. The truth that is hanging over him ,that he can't lie to himself any more, that he can't tell himself that Happy will wake up because he won't and never will again. The fear that is over taking him, because now apart form Rhodey he is alone, once again. That since he works for the military he has the chance to be killed every single fucking day, and that if he dies then Tony is completely alone and the point to his life is destroyed. The reality that he plain refuses to face right now because if he does he will lose his sanity completely and even though all you can do is delay the inevitable he would rather keep his it just a little longer than you very much.

 

An overwhelming need to see Happy once last time over takes him and suddenly he's running towards the room but at the same time there is arms encasing him and there's a voice in his ear calling his name and telling him to calm down and to just stay. Through the fog in his mind he recognises Rhodeys voice and he uses the last self control to listen to his only remaining friend he has, and suddenly his face is against his chest and he's silently crying a fucking shit storm, and Rhodey isn't telling him it's okay instead he's saying that he'll be there and talking about the funeral, and he's so fucking grateful because it's the exact thing he needs to hear and he has no idea why but he just stands there hugging Rhodey while they try to figure out how they are going to live their lives without Happy and Pepper and they're both not sure if they want to try any more, it's just him and Rhodey again and this time Tony isn't sure they have the strength to pull through this time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that's short but there wasn't really much else I could do with this section.

 

 

“What the fuck was that?” Natasha whispers.

 

“I have no fucking clue” Clint whispers back.

 

The whole team apart from Tony is together who is evidently having what seems to be a mental breakdown in front of them.

 

“Why would Fury have us here?” Bruce whispers.

 

They were all in the Avengers tower, (quietly wondering where Tony had been for the past few weeks.) when Fury had come up and told them that an urgent meeting was needed and that they all had to get Tony who was in a hospital but annoyingly enough he didn't say why. When t

hey got there Fury had told them to stay back and now here they are, watching Rhodey pull Tony away from a hospital room and then hugging them.

 

“Excuse me Fury but what on Earth was that?” Steve spoke up.

 

“Oh nothing really.” He says as if it didn't really matter.

  
“Didn't look like nothing.” Natasha grumbles.

 

Fury sighs before answering.

 

“As I'm sure you all know about Tony's most recent problem?” He asks, and everyone nods.

 

“Well a little girl was seriously injured in the fight and she didn't make it.” He lies.

 

A wave of understanding passes through them but there is still questions.

 

“Why is Rhodey there with him? I understand there best friends and all but where's Pepper?” Clint questions.

 

“The girl wasn't the only one injured in the fight.” He states

 

The room goes tense as the same question goes through every ones mind.

 

“Is she..?” Bruce asks.

 

“Critical condition.” He answers and then walks out like it's nothing.

 

“It makes sense, the stress must of built up and then they lost the kid it exploded.” Steve concludes.

 

“I think we should give him some room, it would be best for him, besides when Pepper recovers I'm sure they would want some time together.” Bruce tells them.

 

They all nod in agreement and follow Fury out of the hospitals.

 

 

Tony never thought seeing a photo of the women he loves -loved- would bring so much fucking suffering, and pain and a suffocating sadness that had been consuming him since she and Happy died.

 

Which is such a weird concept, it's also weird to think about it too. They're dead, they're actually dead. They died, which means they're gone, which means that he will never see them again. Happy's sarcastic comments or that look Pepper would give him when he said something stupid, and he will never see or hear them again. And that's when the tears come, and he used to try and stop them, to hold them but he doesn't have the strength to even try that any more and he doesn't care either.

 

Even though the pictures make him suffer he finds he can't stop looking at her face. Her beautiful face. Her eyes that were filed with so much happiness and joy, no room for pain and regret, no room for anything sad, just good. God Pepper was a good person, she genuinely was, she smiled at little girls and boys in the streets and helped people when they asked, hell she helped people even if they didn't ask for it. She picked up Tony's messes, no matter how small, or how big, she would always be there for him. But now she won't. Because she's dead, and it's all his fault. Stupid Tony, pathetic he is, can't even save the women he loves. And now she's fucking dead. He could have saved her but he didn't, why didn't he save her? Why couldn't he just catch her? All he had to do was catch her.

 

He sighs and stands up. He walks over to where he keeps the alcohol like there's no point in living because let's be honest- there isn't. Not any more. He empties the bottle in seconds, and goes for another one. If he's lucky enough alcohol poisoning will take him away from his personal hell.

 

Second bottle, third bottle, fourth bottle, fifth. Who ever cares any more Sixth bottle, seventh bottle, eighth one, ninth. Nobody knows, and no one cares. Why should he care? Why should he keep on living a worthless life? He's shit faced drunk, and all it will take is a few more bottles and then he can just fucking die. It's all he wants, only Rhodey will miss him, and he can get over it, or he'll kill himself just like Tony will, and then they will all be together again. It will be better that away, them all together again. Besides everyone knows that death must be better than life.

 

Drunk, and depressed, Tony decides right there that he will definitely kill himself, it's just a matter of how- and when. He'll wait until after he sees Rhodey, so Rhodey can spend some time with him before Tony leaves. How is more complicated. He doesn't want to hang himself, and with all his experience with guns he doesn't want to shoot himself either, besides that's too- ordinary. He doesn't want to slit his writs either so that's out. He does like the idea of jumping of the tower. Just free falling until he finally dies sounds brilliant, it sounds peaceful too. He can close his eyes and just calmly wait for death, it sounds bloody brilliant.

 

So that's decided then, next week he'll jump off the tower and end his miserable life. Until then, he won't eat or sleep, so there is absolutely no possibly way he can be revived. And with that strangely comforting thought he let's the darkness in, and he closes his eyes, and falls fast asleep. His sleep us so deep that he could be dead. Ah, if only.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how'd you guys like it? Any suggestions are more then welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

Laughter. It can be heard from anywhere in the tower, and Tony hates it. How can they be so happy? How can anyone be happy these days? Happiness is just stupid. Tony doubts it's even real. Just a pipe dream. Everyone just lies about being happy. Oh fuck who is he kidding. Of course happiness is real, of course it's a thing, it's just not for Tony. The others down the hall are happy, probably even happier without Tony, because who wouldn't be? Nobody actually likes him, they just put up with him. He's horrible, and arrogant, and 'full of himself'. Well they don't have to suffer through his ramblings and horrible personality, because he's doing everyone a favour. When he's dead, they'll all pretend to be sad, hey maybe they even think that they are, but they won't be. They'll just take one or two days to 'be sad' and then they'll move on, they'll just forget about him.

 

Not Rhodey though. The only person left on this god forsaken planet that cares about him. Tony knows that Rhodey will be devastated when he dies, if he's lucky then Rhodey will end up the same way. He'll then kill himself and join the rest, then at least Tony has a chance at happiness. Tony briefly considers asking Rhodey to do it with him, but he dismisses the thought because Rhodey isn't where Tony is at because he has his work to bury his emotions into, where as Tony let his emotions bury him. When Tony dies, Rhodey will hopefully be like how Tony is now.

 

He thinks he'll put in his note. Just to be sure, tell Rhodey to join him. Tony has been thinking about his note for awhile now, and he still has no idea how he's gonna phrase it, but asking Rhodey to kill himself is definitely going in. Of course he'll say that he doesn't have to, but he'll also say that it's best, because it is. In life there's nothing better than death. When Rhodey realises that everything will be better. Maybe one day the whole world will realise, and the fall of mankind will finally happen, and a better species will take over. A kinder, happier one. Maybe this species won't fuck everything up. Maybe they can still salvage this Earth. Because at one time this Earth was beautiful, with magnificent animals and wonderful climates, but then the humans came along and now it's just a mess, but it can still be saved. Just not by humans.

 

\--------/--------

 

“Hey Tony can you- Oh, Where's Tony?” Rhodey asks as he walks into the common room in the Avengers tower. Hearing the laughter from the down the hall Rhodey had thought (More like hoped) that Tony was in there but now that he sees 4/5 avengers he changes his mind.

 

“We thought he was with you at the hospital, you know with Pepper being in critical condition and all.” Steve answers him, looking confused.

 

“Critical condition?..” Rhodey whispers to himself, also confused.

 

“Uh yeah. You know because she was injured in the fight on the oil rig thing.” Natasha tells him.

 

“Speaking of that is she okay? I'll happily look over her if Tony says it's okay.” Bruce offers, completely oblivious to the fact that there is nothing anyone can do to bring her back.

 

“Help her? You don't- you don't know?” He whispers the question but Rhodey knows it's not a question. Of course Tony didn't tell them. Why would he? God Tony can be a real fucking idiot sometimes.

 

“Know what?” Steve asks as he stands up, visibly concerned and upset.

 

“I just- he didn't tell you?” He whispers again, this time to himself, but everyone hears him.

 

“What? What didn't he tell us.” Clint asks, also standing up with a sense of urgency coming from him.

 

Rhodey considers telling them the truth. It's the smarter thing to do, now that Rhodey has to leave for the stupid fucking military trip Tony needs someone here, and the best people besides Rhodey to help him his obviously the people he saved the fucking world with. So logically the best option is to tell them. But despite being a genius nothing is logical (or simple) with Tony, and telling the others when Tony isn't ready will just make everything worse.

 

“Rhodey. What didn't Tony tell us?” Steve asks again but more sternly than before.

 

Rhodey looks up at them.

 

“Nothing. Look I've got to talk to Tony, he's probably in his room. Uh bye then.” He says before turning around and practically running out of there.

 

“Well that was weird.” Natasha comments.

 

“It sure was.” Steve replies, still looking at the door Rhodey ran through.

 

“Shall we spy on them?” Clint asks with a smirk.

 

“We shall.” Natasha answers with the exact same smirk gracing her features.

 

Just as Clint, Bruce and Natasha are about to leave the room Steve speaks up.

 

“Guys I don't think we should. It's their private business and it's just not right.” He tells them.

 

Clint and Natasha look at each other before replying.

 

“Suit yourself.” They say at the same time, then they link arms and walk out, Bruce following behind.

 

“Damn it.” Steve whispers before joining them.

 

\--------/--------

 

_Grief is a funny thing. It can make you feel happy and warm. It can make your tummy all fuzzy. It can make random memories pop into your head, and they fill you with joy and amusement, as you remember the person with a heart that used to beat. On a rare case it can make memories of them brighter, the smile they wore bigger and the person they used to be better. Grief can make life seem like there is more sunny days than not, can make you feel like the person that died is up there, making your life easier. It can make just a simple coincidence feel like the universe is trying to make up for the loss of that loved one. Little things like a new high score at some stupid game, or the perfect score on a test, or even a promotion at work. Things that probably would have happened anyway, but grief makes it seem like that person that was once walking is helping you out._

 

_Or it can make the skies darker, the people around you way happier and everything just more shittier than it was before. Grief can make the it seem like the Earth has stopped spinning. It can make life feel like you're in hell, but everyone else is having the time of their life's in heaven. Grief can just swallow you up, and make life not worth living, because if the person you loved isn't alive then why should you be? Who and what is stopping you from being with that special someone again? And why should they stop you? Grief can ruin you, it can also ruin the image of the person who has died. Because now when you think of that person, a happy smile is replaced with a depressing frown, eyes full of joy life and joy turn into eyes with nothing but an empty look in them. Grief can make every memory, every though and every mention of that person into tears, and pain. Even just the thought of their name is just too painful, you just can't get away from it. It makes it seem like there is no way out, that there is no end. That life is just a long dark tunnel, and the only way to leave is death._

 

It's safe to say Tony is definitely experiencing the second version.

 

He's sitting in his room doing everything in his power to keep himself from thinking about them. He's just finished counting all the lines on his pillow and now he is throwing coins into a plastic cup. How fucking fun. Well at least he's good at it.

 

Just as he's about to stand up to move the cup further back, there's a knock at the door.

 

He throws his head back and groans.

 

“I'm busy!” He calls out. Which technically he is, throwing pennies into a plastic cup is very important business you know. Ugh why can't the others just leave him alone, he's been ignoring them for the past few days why haven't they got the message yet. God maybe he should just spray paint 'Leave me alone' on the fucking door, maybe then they'll go away.

 

“It's me Tony.” Rhodey calls out.

 

Oh. Now there's a surprise, he isn't supposed to see Rhodey until Friday, and Tony is 99.78% sure that it's Wednesday today. Tony would've pondered over it more if he hadn't of realised that meant. As soon as Rhodey leaves Tony can die. Oh finally! He has been living in hell far too long. For the first time since Pepper and Happy died Tony actually feels excited about something. He can just die, nothing to hold him back now. With the knowledge that he's going to die today, a million questions start to pop up. Like how's he going to do it? When is he going to do it? Where will he put his note? When will he write his note?

 

He decides to answer them in order. He's put a lot of thought into to it and he's finally made a choice: He's going to jump of the top of the Avengers Tower. He'll do it after dinner, so he can have one last mean, sort of like when you're on death row and you get one last meal, only Tony is executing himself. He'll make two copies of his note, he'll leave one here, on his bed, and one on his body. Just to be sure they definitely find at least one of them. When Rhodey leaves he'll write his note, so if he wants to reference their conversation in anyway the conversation will be fresh on his mind..

 

“Tony I'm coming in.” Rhodeys voice brings him back to the present.

 

“Close the door behind you.”

 

Tony stands up once Rhodey closes the door. They don't say anything to each other, and instead they hug.

 

The hug lasts for what feels like forever. Both of them still trying to hold onto what they lost, as if when they break apart everything will be different, back to normal. But of course it's not, the hug is good though, it gave both Rhodey and Tony peace, and when the break apart, although everything isn't magically all good, a bit of that peace stays with them both. And it is nice, Tony decides, it almost makes life worth living.

 

“Tony I'm about to tell you something, and it isn't good.” That's Rhodey all right, straight to the point when he needs to be.

 

“Who's dead now?” He asks, completely straight faced, but Rhodey is relieved because it means that there is still a little of the old Tony left.

 

“Just sit down listen will you?” Hey, maybe there's still a bit of the old Rhodey left too.

 

So Rhodey tells him. How the military is making him leave. How there's the really important job that Rhodey has to do, and it requires him to go overseas, and how he has no choice. Well technically he does, it's either stay and lose his job permanently or go and get promoted, and besides, going overseas in the for the military has been in dream job since he was a child. He tells him his work is a way to deal with the loss, he buries himself in his work so the grief doesn't bury him. He also explained how he'll make sure to call 3 times a day, and he'll see him every weekend, even if he has to sneak of the base, he'll do it, just to see Tony.

 

He can tell that it wasn't easy for Rhodey to tell him, and that he's worried about his reaction. So Tony decides that he'll make it easy for Rhodey.

 

“I can say no if you want me to, honestly with me being me I ca find a job here in the city. Maybe I won't get one, I could just stay here.” He nudges his knee with Tony's. “Could keep the others off your back.”

 

“No, you should go. Seriously man, I know you hate the idea of leaving me but I know you want to go, you've been waiting for this since you were a kid. Honestly you should go. Don't lose job over this, go. Besides this is your way to cope. If you don't go you'll lose your job, and then you'll lose the way you cope, and then I might lose you. I'd rather lose you a little bit than all together.”

 

“God. Thank you so much Tony. I'll seriously call whenever I can.” Rhodey hugs him again, and the sense of peace is back, but this time, when they break of apart the whole sense of peace is there. Tony smiles, and this time it isn't fake, which surprises himself.

 

“You wanna go out for dinner? We'll go to your favourite place.” Rhodey asks.

 

Tony is about to say no when he realises that he actually wants go. Which also leads him the conclusion that maybe he doesn't want to die tonight. He thinks about what he said to Rhodey, how he'd rather lose a bit of him than all of him. And he knows that Rhodey feels the same. He thinks about he feels like utter crap, and realises that he feels like that all the time is because he doesn't have a way to cope, and maybe that's all he needs. Maybe another way out is to find a way to cope with this. He knows that if he dies Rhodey will stop working, which means he won't have a way to cope and then he'll be where Tony is, only there will be no one to remind him that all you have to do is find a way to cope. So maybe he doesn't have to die. All he has to do is find a way to cope, and right now it's talking to Rhodey.

 

“So are you coming or?” He asks.

 

“Yeah, I guess I am.” He answers with a smile.

 

Rhodey smiles back and when he goes to open the door Tony speaks up.

 

“Oh and Rhodey?” He calls

 

“Yeah?” He replies, looking confused.

 

“Thanks.” He tells him

 

“For what?”

 

“For everything.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a roller coaster ride that was! Don't worry guys this is absolutely no where near done.
> 
> Remember to drop a comment, and maybe leave a cheeky kudos, also suggestions are more than welcomed.
> 
> Oh and if there is any mistakes just like pretend they're not there.
> 
> It can be our little secret.


	4. Chapter 4

“Come on Tony, rise and shine!” Rhodey says as he yanks the covers away from Tony who is currently lying on his bed desperately trying to ignore Rhodey.

 

Tony groans in response and turns away from Rhodey.

 

“Nope nope nope, it's sleep and rest time.” Tony grumbles

 

“Tony you have done nothing but stay in bed for the past week, and yes I know that you've barely eaten, Jarvis may be your creation but he'll answer to me if he's concerned about you.”

 

“Rhodey is right, Sir. It would be in your best interests to get up and do something. Might I suggest a walk or even a shower?” Jarvis informs them.

 

Rhodey raises an eyebrow and points the ceiling.

 

“See? Even Jarvis agrees that you have to get up, besides today's the day.” Rhodey says.

 

Now _that_ got Tony's attention. Tony grumpily stoop up and wiped his eyes.

 

“Can't someone else plan the funeral?” He whines.

 

“Uh uh no way. No one knows Pepper and Happy better than us, and if someone else does the planning nothing will be right, Tony you know this.” He says while crossing his arms.

 

“But Pepper always did the planning.” He counters, and Rhodey is almost surprised when Tony doesn't stomp his foot.

 

“Tough, now go shower.” He says very Captain America-y.

 

“I have to _shower_?” He asks in disbelief.

 

“Tony my god _yes_!” He says, exasperated.

 

“But whyyyy?” He whines again.

 

“Because I am _not_ sitting next to you for the whole day when you smell like a dead cow. Shower. Now.” He says as he chucks Tony a towel.

“Fine.” He grumbles under his breath before he walks into the bathroom, and just moments later he hears the shower going.

 

“Oh and don't get into the clothes you were wearing before, I'll put a clean set on your soon to be clean bed!” He calls out.

 

When Rhodey hears a muffled 'yeah okay' he gets to work. First he strips the bed, the pillows and the quilt, shoving them into a pile in the corner which Rhodey will put through the wash later. Then he puts new bedding on, makes the bed and straightens it out so it looks nice, and yes Tony has teased him about his need to make things look perfect but Rhodeys sure that Tony won't tease him this time.

 

“Yo Cinderella you better not be making every last detail in room look perfect, last you did that I couldn't find anything for a week. You'll get your prince charming one day.” Tony calls out.

 

Er, never mind.

 

Half way through picking up his dirty clothes and putting his clean ones away (and no he definitely did not colour code the sock drawer) Clint comes into the room, completely unannounced, and again no Clint totally didn't scare the absolute fuck out of Rhodey. (Okay maybe he did, so what?)

 

“Seriously Tony this isn't good for you. Just get up and- oh hey there.” Clint says, sounding tired at first but surprised towards the end. He wonders why.

 

Upon seeing Rhodey, Clint looks around the Tony-free and clean room and does what Rhodey suspects is the assassin version of a double take.

 

“Where's Tony...?” He asks, unsure.

 

Rhodey just points the bathroom where the sound of running water is now painfully obvious.

 

“Shower.” He says bluntly. Rhodey has nothing against the other Avengers, he really doesn't. They can just really irritate him because sometimes they can act like they know everything about Tony, sometimes Rhodey gets the impression that they know more about Tony than he does, which is obviously bullshit. God they don't even know that his wife and best friend are fucking dead. They don't know shit about Tony and anything personal they do know is because they got it from someone else or he gave it up unwillingly. They don't know shit about Rhodey either.

 

But Rhodey also knows that it is in no way their fault. Rhodey wouldn't blame them if they did think that they knew everything about Tony, because he has an annoying skill of talking a lot about his past, but not revealing anything about it either. Tony could say that his father never told him that he loved him, and the others would think Tony has shared this deep, dark secret but in reality that doesn't even scratch the surface of his drunk, abusive, ass hole of a father. So Rhodey can't blame them at all, but it doesn't mean that he's not irritated by it.

 

“You got him out of bed? Holy shit how?” Clint asks, not bothering to hide his shock.

 

“I've had a lost of practice.” He answers, but when Clint raises his eyebrow Rhodey decides to elaborate.

 

“He was like that all through M.I.T, it was the most irritating thing about him. He just couldn't be arsed to get out of bed.” He says offhandedly.

“Wait you guys were both at M.I.T? I thought that was a school for geniuses like Tony.” Clint asks.

 

Rhodey just looks at him with a 'Did you really just say that?' look.

 

“Oh shit I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-”

 

“It's okay. Yes I was there with him, and yes we were both the same age, and yes I am a genius, I mean obviously nowhere near Tony's level. In our second year some big shot asked to speak with him and they got an accurate IQ test, that shit was nearly as high as Enstines for fucks sakes.” He rambles. Huh, look who else has Tony's special ability? Ding ding ding you got it right! Rhodey does!

 

“His score was that high? Damn I didn't know that. What about you mister newly found genius?” He asks with a curious tone.

 

“Ah I don't IQ and tell but I graduated MIT with flying colours so that's something I guess.” He trails off at the end.

 

“Clint are we going to practice or what?” Natasha calls from somewhere down the hall.

 

“Uh yeah I'm just coming.” Clint calls back.

 

Clint looks at Rhodey. “I gotta go, but I'll see you around some time?” He half asks.7

 

Rhodey thinks about it before nodding. “Yeah, why not?” He says and Clint nods at him before leaving to go get lose to Natasha.

 

Rhodey shakes his head and gets back to work, wondering if the others will ever find about Tony's dark secret, and even darker past.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment away guys!
> 
> Also you dudes are more than welcome to leave suggestions!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like it, I have had this idea for a long long time. 
> 
> so please leave a comment telling me how you like it!


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